Each year, nearly 1.5 million children in the United States experience the divorce of their parents. Statistics say that one of every two children will grow up having experienced the divorce of his or her parents. Divorce occurs for many reasons, such as infidelity, abuse or simply growing apart over time. Regardless of the reasons for it, the reality of life means that many children will have to adjust to their parents’ divorces. These parents must also be able to find a way to raise their children alongside a person with whom they could not live.
There Is Hope
A new study published by the National Council on Family Relations explores the sometimes-sticky issue of parenting after a divorce. This study explored the relationships between the ex-spouses and how it changed over time. Many divorced parents wonder whether or not they will ever even be able to be in the same room with an ex-spouse, much less work together to bring a child to adulthood. However, this study offers hope for parents currently in contentious co-parenting relationships. The data indicates that relationships can be improved in the months and years following a divorce.
Focus on the Children
However, if you are currently in the midst of strained relations with the father or mother of your children, peaceful coexistence can seem impossible. The best thing that you can do to improve the relationship is to realize that post-divorce conflict only brings more pain to already-hurting little hearts. Although you may get momentary pleasure from twisting the proverbial knife in your ex, you must ask yourself if it is worth it to hurt your child in the process. Keeping the needs of your child in focus means that you will have to carefully evaluate whether or not an issue is worth bringing up. If a problem must be addressed, do it because of genuine concern over a vital issue, not because of bitterness or anger.
Give It Time
The first few months after a divorce are usually the most difficult in terms of the parental relationship. Hurt feelings and anger over the failure of the marriage are often still lingering, and both parents are figuring out how to effectively parent apart from one another. Usually, the biggest problems occur over the picking up and dropping off of the child. Family experts advise parents to make phone calls a few days before a visit to iron out any difficulties. If one parent consistently violates court-ordered visitation arrangements, you should consult a nj family law attorney, rather than try to argue the ex-spouse into compliance. Usually, most divorced couples are able to get past the angry feelings after a few months and adjust to the new realities of co-parenting.
Although divorce is difficult for parents and children, by keeping the needs of children in the forefront, parents can make this transition a little less painful. When parents choose to “be the bigger person,” their children will benefit, even in the aftermath of a divorce.
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Derek often likes to blog about family and love. When he is not blogging or working, he enjoys spending time with his wife and children. The following article is for nj family law attorney.
This all sounds good and happy, but the question then becomes: “How?” How do you maintain harmony between divorced parents and how do you deal with the delicate emotions of their children? The article provides some great goals to set sights on, but offers no suggestions on how to achieve such things. One of the best books I’ve ever read was actually a parenting book, but teaches how to deal with conflict resolution, high emotions and differences in needs without it becoming a win-lose power struggle type of situation. I think if parents can come to the table and recognize the needs of each person directly involved in the outcome of a decision (children included!), then we can begin to take everybody’s needs and feelings into consideration. P.S. the book is “Parent Effectiveness Training” by Thomas Gordon.